the crusty pirate was keel hauled in botony bay
because he is a registered candy bar molester
- cinnamon bears are his favorite

and while we find his behavior disgusting
its not illegal......... so what the hey!

we generally keep him locked up in the brig
just on principle...

occasionally he escapes and indulges himself in his perversions -
he's sick, but harmless...... old and weird..... that's why we like him.

rumors abound that the crusty pirate is gay!?

to set the record straight, the crusty pirate is not gay
he hasn't been gay in two weeks!
and then he was only gay for ten minutes

once again - the crusty pirate is not gay!