LET JAKE PLAY YOU SOME SWINGING SONGBITES. JAKE WAS A GIFT FROM THE VALLEY FOLKS HERE IN THE SAN GERONIMO VALLEY LED BY DYANN EASTON-BROWN. THREE CHEERS!!! (See "Jake the Crock's" story below!)


[ BIOGRAPHY I CD'S I CASSETTES I CONTACTS I SONGWRITER'S JOURNAL I LINKS]







SONGS FROM THE CD'S & CASSETTES

SPECIAL OF THE MONTH! : "Jake's Band - 'Peanut Butter & Jam' "

PEANUT BUTTER AND JAM

Well, it all started when I was half out and half in the tempobimpopo river. Somebody yelled: ""Hey guys there's a jam session going on in like ten - dig? So if you want to get like rich, weird and famous, drag your sorry tails over to the sand bar at "leaning tree bend" pronto."

Well in less time then it takes for the average crock to swallow a boa, I showed up with my standup bass ready to swing. "So," says I to the group, "let's jam!" They started off with a tune I just love to death, called "Swallowing Johnny In the Swanee". You may think that's gross dude but let me check you out. I got a first cousin Juno, that's somebodies wallet right now and my Uncle Philbert is a travelbag sold at Sharp Image. And to round it all off, my Great Grandfather Delbert was Cowboy Dean Autry's third pair of boots. Well, you got the picture.
So anyways, we was playing up a storm when suddenly this Old Fashioned Paddlewheel Steamboat called the Tempobimpopo River Queen blows it's horn and some dude yells out: 'Hey, we like you guys - your beat is like great. How would you like an outstanding gig - like big bucks?
Naturally, we all flipped our tails and groaned delightfully and I screamed -"We'll take it!" Everybody turned and looked at me as if to say - who's this dude? The next thing we heard, they yelled: "What's your band's name?" We all went into a huddle. "Alright, said the head crock, you got us into this gig now you come up with a name like yesterday!" The only thing I could think of was my lousy lunch I had

yesterday so I yelled out - "Peanut butter and Jam!"
We got outrageous after that. We jammed for 5 hours solid. We drew up a rude set and just laughed and choked up stuff all afternoon. We were all happy crockers after that. We all shook paws and said we'd meet the next afternoon at one.

I swam back to my pad like in a flash. "Mom! Dad!" I yelled. "You'll never believe it but your 26 year old son is finally shaking loose from the roost. I got a like fantastic gig. I'm on my way to big time - strictly somewhere out there in music contract land!"
There were tears - emotions ran like real high. I left the next day after lunch. My bags were packed and off I swam.
Peanut Butter And Jam was ready to tune up and like soar into our first set which consisted of: "Let's have another bloody mary, I m Swimming Behind You, I'm Misbehaving, Footprints in the Mud, You Belong To Me, You Filled My Plate Again, and If you're Not With the One You Ate, Eat the One You're With. We crocks are just in our habitat - sorry 'bout that.
Some crock named Vince yelled, "Look guys, Jake here came up with a like contagious name let's give him a half a hundred high fives!" Yea Jake, everybody yelled and seemed to like get schizoid and wild but I loved it. Then I bellowed out something that I still don't know where it came from. ""Look dude's, I cried out, we've got a chance to make a difference to these human dudes. We also got a chance to run across them a few messages that we crocks enjoy remaining like intact in our own skins and to offer them an alternative. Our music could give them a few ideas to think about anyways. What do you say guys?" Vince screamed, "You've got to be like kidding. You expect those pink livered, high stylish, rich and spoiled homo sapiens to get all wired up

and weird out and slappyhappy over our gospel of great gifts to animaldom?" Everyone agreed I was outstandingly out of my mind but we yelled - YES, let's do it anyways.
So we also made a crock of pacts to live up to namely, to have monster fun, and like eat high on the mob. With the big bucks we were going to get on the Internet and splash our pleas and epithets to the high and mighty that surf in fact on our Home Page we re going to name it _- "Surfing Crockadile Tears with Peanut Butter and Jam." Real blusey huh!

by Bernie Griff

Episode Two (coming up soon)

 

Episode two - Jake and peanut butter and jam

 

 

 

 

 

The first evening gig on the Tempobimpopo River came up for "peanut Butter and Jam". The Steamboat had just loaded its passengers. Jake and the band was getting tuned up. Vince announced: Ok music lovers here's the gig. We send out Jake and he does a solo bass lead into the first song: :"The Happy Riverboat Shuffle. We don't want to get into gators or crocks right away. No sense scaring away our backers and fans - right guys. Ok, Jake goes out with a white spot. the rest of us are ready to jam and when he hits the end of four bars, the whole band gets lit up in blue spots. The white spot goes to Lenore who's on mike and she belts out the first vocal. Then we sneak into our big first hit "Shark Infested Waters Blues". For our third opener we slice into "C'mon-a My House" which put them into a relaxed mood. Then we flood 'em with the rest of the set. Then on the next to last song we grag 'em with "You Belong to Me" and lastly we move in for the kill with "If your not with the one you ate eat the one you're with". Got it gang:

"Ya-mean we're gonna eat the guests Vinny?"

Naw Bruce, that's jazz talk for the gig! C'mon get with it Bruce - what-a-ya think I am some cannabal er somethin'?

Everyone gave out the peace sign and got ready. Lenore was a folk-singing crock but Vince had talked her into singing more bluesy styles. We all got ready for the signal from Vince.

Then the craziest thing happened. Just as the spot hit Jake the whole room was flooded in semi darkness. Jake was slappin' out a great riff on the bass when suddenly a waiter slipped on some water that had spilled on the floor. His tray went flying and came down on Jake's head and fingers. He slipped through the strings with a slurry sound and the rest of the band went wild at the groovy sound

"Wow man, that riff of yours is tantalizingly sporific Jake! What 'cha gonna name it - it's a killer!" squeaked Boris, the conga player recently hired.

"Well,?" echoed Jake off the Drummer's bass drum, "in honor of our band I'm going to call it the "Peanut Butter and Jam jostle! How's zat for alliteration dudes!" laughed Jake on his way to new inventive riffs he never dreamed possible.

As the band finished their first set, the owner of The Tempobimpopo River Queen came over to Vinny, the band leader.

"Gentlemen, your renditions are tasty and may I add most splendiferous and southern in character. You must repeat that "Shark Infested Waters Blues" and my favorite so far, "The Happy Riverboat Shuffle", why there was one bass part there gentlemen, may ah call you gentlemen?" Vinny nodded and the owner Colonel Witherspoon Ashley Beaureguard promptly continued, "...so gentlemen as I was saying this bass part had a crazy but most sweet as a magnolia blossom slidin' croony sound, ah thought the bass player was singin' him a southern song. Why slap my shoulders and slide me some ham Sam!" cried the owner getting into the musicians "jive" for a bit. You could tell he loved those swingin' crocks for sure. "So what's you name son?" asked the owner Colonel Witherspoon Ashley Beaureguard.

"Jake, they calls me Colonel Beaureguard." puffed Jake very proud of his new found stardom of his now-becoming famous slidin' riff.

"Why son, ah'm goin' to make you famous, the Peanut Butter and Jam Band famous, the Timpobimpopo River Queen famous and the Tempobimpopo River famous because of your soon-to-be-famous slippery, slidin' croonin' cryin' riff a yours. You jest wait n' see. I Colonel Witherspoon Ashley Beaureguard is on the way to advertise this band every town we come to. Ah'm goin' to get my bannah maker busy this instant. We is all gonna make history my gentlemen!" Off went Colonel Beaureguard in an air of destiny.

 

EPISODE NUMBER THREE - NEW RIFFS AND TIFFS!

"Now Jake how 'er ya gonna get that effect? If ya ain't got no waiter fallin' down and a glass a' water flyin' through the air how're ya gonna do the slippin' slidin' croonin' cryin' riff anyways?" asked Bruce.

"Now that's a good question." said Jake. What 'er we gonna do Vinny?" asked Jake

"Hmmmm, " puzzled Vinny, "we're going to have to duplicate the waiter stunt on purpose and get that waiter Rufus, I think his name is, to do it just when we need it.

"Oscar, you're the crock to do it." spoke up Vinny. "You get him to do his thing on cue. We'll talk to the Colonel and he'll see to it that Rufus slips up and slides to Peanut Butter and Jam!"

 

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"No Vinny, I think that Jale is gettin' too much of the spotlight. You've got to give your lead vocalist - me more of stagefront!" cried a disappointed singer.

"Now listen Lenore, you've got to realize that Jake's on a roll right now - your time will come. You'll see." answered Vinny.

"Yeah, my time will come. I'm tellin' ya Vinny, I'm not going to wait forever!" puffed Lenore, a not too happy crock.

At that point Colonel Beauregard was on the scene on the telephone. Colonel Beauregard had been true to his word on connecting with a tv station.

"Yes suh, This is Colonel Witherspoon Ashley T. Beauregard. What's that? What does the "T" stand for?.....uh why that 's from my great grandaddy Thurston Thaddeous Preston Beauregard the III! Stands for Thurston.....What?.....yes.....W-H-A-T-TV?.....right! Yes suh, this Jake will dazzle, befuddle and otherwise simply amaze your director and cameramen. Suh? He plays bass with the Peanut Butter and Jam Band on my riverboat - the Tempobimpopo River Queen. Are you the first tv station I have called? No suh, but if you don't get your remote truck and crew here soon there are 25 other tv stations that will beat you to the greatest musical scoop of the 90's - the Century! The Milleinum Be seein' you suh!" Colonel Beauregard smiled and set the phone down.

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